Life // Transformations and regressions

It has again, been a while. I always wonder what happens to my wonderful ambitions of wanting to write more? I always have some ideas on what to write here and there, but then I see my very comfortable bed and I suppose I think a nap would be a much better plan in the moment. Before I know it several hours have passed, and before I know it several months have gone by too! But I have high hopes for myself that this time surely I'll change. Have I changed at all lately? Maybe a little.

On one hand, nothing has happened but on the other side I feel like so much has happened that I don't really know where to begin. I had a spot of bother with an unrequited crush which is somehow always a bit strange when you are in your mid thirties. However it arrived out of the blue and then also promptly resolved itself with the span of a month and a half or so. It's only really still on my mind as a concept but it's not really connected with that person anymore.

I think this happened because this person was fairly unique in certain aspects and because of that I spent some of that period reflecting on myself as well. I was wondering if at the moment I am truly happy with who I am, and that did raise some things to consider. I think that especially these past two years I've really reconnected with the things that I loved when I was in my teenage years.

It's something that I see a lot on the internet as well, people commenting that your early twenties are all about rejecting who you were in your teens and that your thirties are all about throwing away that hatred against your younger self, really embracing all the things you had deemed to be immature. I've been having a lot of fun getting back into some of the topics that I found fun then.

And at the same time I've just been trying to have more enthusiasm for everything that I encounter. I want to discover new music, go to fun gigs, visit stores that I've only been looking at for years and so on. I've also been considering getting a little spookier. I've always had a bit of a fling with the more obscure and occult side of life while still wanting to enjoy being incredibly cosy.

So I've been considering getting the nostril piercings that I've been thinking about for years and years. I recently went darker with my hair as well, but I am also considering going completely black for a while to see how I like it. I had it when I was in high school, and it was a lot of fun for a while. I think it'll be nicer now that I have a better sense of style though..

We will see. For now I have to rest up and get ready, because we are celebrating Halloween at the office tomorrow! I'm not dressing up terribly interestingly but I will be a little spooky.

-Lily