Life // No Self Control

It's been a while but I'll try to refrain from making excuses. A lot has happened since the last update, after all it's been more than a year. I had tried to update earlier but for some reason it didn't really work out very well so I never finished that draft. It's still sitting there though but right now I don't want to look at it. It's weird but I feel it was written by someone that's no longer with me.

I always feel very distanced from what I have written very quickly, maybe a little too quick. After all, how much can I have possibly changed in a little more than a month? But somehow I start nitpicking at random sentences, thinking they are weirdly worded or too difficult. The problem is that my mind runs much faster than my mouth or hands can keep up.

Sometimes I will start on a story (Or in real life, when I am talking) and I feel the need to add unnecessary details because to me, it feels like they are important. But the more I talk the more I lose the plot of my story and it just doesn't make sense anymore. So I try to keep things short, but then they no longer feel like they were mine. Someone once told me that part of my charm is that you don't know what I am going to say next but the reality is that I often don't really know either.

I don't remember this well but somehow an image was shared with me somewhere, and it said something along the lines of 'Sometimes after a social interaction I think; well that wasn't my best work'. It's a bit sad but I think it describes me perfectly. Sometimes I think I could have done better but I can't expect to deliver a perfect score every single time. 

Anyhow, recently I've been watching some French New Wave movies and although they are very pretty I find them a bit difficult to watch. Some are very detached from life in the sense that genuine people probably wouldn't act that way at all. However some are a too realistic, and due to that they become so deeply depressing. They can really be devastating. The soundtrack is usually very charming though.

Last year (Or maybe also this year, I don't remember time well these days) I also watched a lot of cheap action flicks from the eighties. They're a lot of fun and they amuse me very much. It seems my childhood was somehow lacking because I never watched a lot of the classics so I have some catching up to do. Who should we blame for this? It doesn't matter, I am working on fixing the damage that has been done.

I think it would be cute to buy a projector so that I can watch these movies projected on a blank wall like you are in some kind of hole in the wall art house cinema. It would be very casually elegant but Sylvester Stallone would also be involved (Who, as I recently found out, is apparently deeply into painting?)

My next challenge at the moment is to watch a movie that a friend recommended to me. As it was a suggestion I do want to watch it. I think suggestions from people close to me are very important to entertain but financial plots in movies are very dull to me and this movie is sadly based fully on the financial market. I think after watching this movie I will experience a sense of accomplishment that simply cannot be rivalled (Or at least, until I finish reading Infinite Jest which has a thorn on the other side of my body)

At the moment I am feeling a bit tired, so I will lounge around in bed and I will contemplate my life for a little bit. Tomorrow is another working day and I am very much looking forward to my weekend which will start on Monday.