The 30th of June 2024
The weather is really getting awfully hot at the moment. At least for me, other people seem to be enjoying it but I don't handle the heat very well. It's a shame because I do really love the summer, or at least the concept of summer. Maybe the thoughts of summer holidays in the 90s are hanging over me like some sort of nostalgic childhood dream. It's not really like that anymore though, those days were really pleasant.
As an adult it just leaves me sitting in front of my computer in the heat, typing long messages to people who will not absorb the content, who will stay angry despite having received solutions far beyond what would normally be provided. All whilst I am trying to soothe myself while sitting in the general direction of a very nice vintage blue medium sized fan that I bought from Hema about two or three years ago. It does its job very well, and makes everything more manageable.
But having all of these responsibilities makes the summer less charming for sure. Recently I re-watched My Neighbor Totoro again, not sure what number the counter is on at the moment. It's a beautiful and charming movie set in the countryside. Watching it is very soothing, it always makes me want to move away to greener pastures where I can lounge around and enjoy the rustling of green leaves. While this does sound marvelous in a fantasy in practice I would probably be hounded by the giant insects of my worst nightmares and there wouldn't be a takeaway place that does delivery for miles...
Not that convenient. I have the spirit of a countryside lady but one that also craves the convenience of having literally everything at my fingertips. Although recently I've been a bit disillusioned by the fact that everything is so easy to get, all of that instant gratification cannot be good for us.
I live in a nice two bedroom apartment on the third floor of a five story building. The building is right in-between two grocery stores so I'm really spoilt for choice. That's great, but isn't it almost too convenient? After all, it causes me to spend much more money than I'd like simply because it is so convenient. And why would I think too hard about what I want to eat for dinner that evening when I could be back at the store in less than three minutes?
Obviously the practical solution would be to practice self control but I will not be bothering with any type of self improvement in this weather. The only solution is to remove myself from the problem. If it takes me an hour to reach the nearest grocery store surely I'd think more carefully about my needs and wants. If I forgot something I'd simply have to do without it. It's the same for everything else, as good as everything is very close to me at the moment. Even my parents are right around the corner, I think that is the only thing I'd hate to change.
A while ago I went to visit a marvelous little apartment, it was on a lovely little square behind a very busy shopping street. The apartment was wonderful, it was just too wonderful. Lovely little rounded windows in the living room, a large bedroom looking out onto a (Paved?) garden and the cutest little kitchen ever that would surely prove a proper headache to anyone wanting to decorate it. Plus it had a lovely little murder basement that would be very convenient for storage. Unfortunately it was all not meant to be, which is a shame because my bed would have looked terrific in that bedroom and my little cat would have loved the garden once it was filled with grass instead of terrible tiles.
Anyhow, let's get back to My Neighbor Totoro. These days I am always thinking about the scene where the father is attempting to work in his lovely little overstuffed office next to the garden, and we can see little Mei playing in the background. It's sweet, and I wish my life could still be that carefree! Not that the movie doesn't have some somber moments as well, but most of those are lost on Mei because she doesn't quite understand yet.
Although I'm not sure if I want to go back to blissful innocence either. It's nice to be able to somewhat understand the world around you, and recently I've been reading a few books that really illuminate the power of understanding, believing in yourself and being confident. We can pull it back to Ghibli a little bit as I recently read Howls Moving Castle.
Marvelous book, and a lot of food for thought as well. Sophie is young, shy, not confident and overall quite aimless despite being very talented. After she is cursed into becoming an elderly woman she loses her inhibitions and becomes more active, more outspoken and much more confident because she feels quite invisible as an elderly woman. Basically the things that she was afraid of before don't really bother her anymore, or while they do bother her she has the strength to decide to do what she believes is right no matter what.
After I was done with that I moved onto a new book about Joni Mitchell. Next to Kate Bush she might be my favorite singer. Another one isn't it? A woman who seems dainty and quiet but is (Or grows into?) a confident and outspoken woman who knows what she wants with her career and what she desires to say with her music. It's been a lovely read so far. If only I could have maybe 5% of their talent? I am sure a lot of it is talent but some days I also think it's the sheer perseverance to start a craft and to not give up but to keep going until you become better and better.
Myself, like many others, I am more like the person to start a hobby and give up when I am not excellent at it straight away. Which is silly, almost nobody is talented straight away. For artists, they have to learn their instrument to begin with. And if you look at Kate her demos surely there is talent beginning to develop there but you can also see lyrics that are a bit flimsy, don't really go anywhere or don't sound good sonically. If she had decided that she was untalented then we would have not had those ten amazing albums. So, shouldn't we all try our best?
In any case I am attempting to read more. I had tentatively set a goal of fifteen books for this year but I believe I am almost at twelve now. So just a little bit more! Although in my head this is impressive but in my head it's still March. Unfortunately it will be July tomorrow, I am a little behind. My next read will be about growing up in the sixties, a growing sexual revolution etc. Should be fascinating!
Overall despite secretly being firmly a convenient city girl I'd like to see if I could head to the forest on Monday or Tuesday. It is very relaxing there. Last time I went with the tram and walked all the way back home. That might be a bit too much if we hit thirty again tomorrow but I think we'll stay lower.
If I can't manage the forest I will have the park at the very least.
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- My ideal house -
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